Theory: America’s economy, culture, and educational system have been destroyed by Democrats. Also, it’s bad when people in the media indulge in hyperbole.
Credentials Required to Support this Theory: Advanced degrees and decades of experience as an economist, a political scientist, and a developmental psychologist, plus an intimate acquaintance with the Speaker of the House.
Actual Credentials: An undergraduate degree in aeronautics, and professional experience as a jet pilot, stockbroker, radio host, and space-cop.


I get most of my actual work done in coffee shops and bookstores. Jerry Doyle has been glowering at me from a rack at the front of my local Borders for a week now, so I decided to see what he’s so upset about. I wish I knew Jerry personally. I could give him a big, heterosexual hug and tell him to cheer up – things may be bad, but he has no earthly reason to suppose they’re as bad as he thinks they are.

Jerry Doyle is not a knee-jerk political hypochondriac like, say, Glenn Beck, who can’t read about a political catastrophe without realizing that it’s happening right now in the US. He’s more of a worry-wart. He sees something like the bank bail-outs or anti-smoking regulations, and then convinces himself that they herald – nay, have already wrought! – the destruction of all sorts of things about which he cares lots and knows little.

Another indication of just how much of a toxicon Jerry is can be seen in the wide variety of subjects he’s freaking out about. It could be argued that a focus on the interaction of government intervention and macroeconomic dynamics may rest upon a wealth of independent research – there is no reason to suppose this, but it’s possible. But can we really be expected to believe that Mr. Doyle has put in the same effort to educate himself in the fields of child psychology and pedagogical theory? A career that has bounced from a cockpit to Wall Street to a failed run for office to a radio talk show – not to mention the five years he spent shooting aliens – suggest that single-minded dedication to the intellectual mastery of complicated subjects may not be his strong suit.

Jerry Doyle seems sincere, and upset. If you see him, hug him for me. Remind him that he doesn’t actually know what he’s talking about. He’s probably an excellent pilot, and he’s the finest EarthForce groundpounder ever to dodge a Denn’bok. Nevertheless, when it comes to whether or not America is being destroyed, he’s a toxicon.