Texas Gov. Rick Perry has sent plenty of criminals (and apparent non-criminals) to his state’s active death row, but now he’s taking credit for billions upon billions of deaths – mountains, literal lakes of corpses. Per the San Antonio Business Journal:

“Our principled leadership has created an environment that allows us to compete for jobs, investment and business, and defend the economic climate that has made Texas the top exporting state in the nation for the eighth straight year.”

And what environment might that be? What climate pushed Texas to the top? Why, the prehistoric environment that shaped Texas billions of years ago, the climate that bred and killed the vast biomass that would one day become the Lone Star State’s vast petroleum deposits. If we look at the actual components of the export portfolio that makes Texas #1, we see that black gold accounts for the lion’s share of what is getting shipped out. In this regard Gov. Perry’s principled leadership has consisted primarily of governing a state that’s sitting on a bunch of oil. Which can only mean one thing: Rick Perry has a time machine.

Do not mess with Rick Perry. He can make it so you were never born.